|
|
Post by Naru on May 26, 2020 17:09:51 GMT -6
Right-o I took a nap so let's get right down to it. The biggest problem is abrasive meant crazy, violent, and mean. You can be abrasive but still tolerable. Maybe they give harsh truths, they're not quick to trust, they're gruff and their humor is a bit askew. Maybe they are prone to a quick fight, but more like a brawl to settle an argument that, when it's over, you still walk away friends. The quick to fight stuff we've seen have been massive and out of proportion that also carry a grudge to last a lifetime. If you want them to hold grudges, perhaps it should be that if an Azorahn holds a grudge, the person it is against had to have worked really, really hard to have earned that grudge as generally, arguments and disagreements are solved quickly, forgiven and forgotten. You say they're tribes, and facing harsh winters they'll be more like pack animals. They're loyal and harsh, but find them at their hearth and they'll fill you with warmth.
A big issue I have is that this is referred to as an empire, but it really doesn't fit any qualifications. You yourself called it a kingdom. They haven't ruled over individual provinces, they're a collection of tribes banded together to form a country. Calling it an empire doesn't make much sense as there are no given towns that function as independent bodies under the ruling umbrella of the empire, it's all Azoroah. The USSR was technically an empire, Russia lorded over the other countries but they were still effectively their own. The Holy Roman Empire was vast and massive, but the individual territories were still their own. So I have that issue. If it's to be an empire, we need to make it an empire, otherwise it's a kingdom with a queen.
I think the dying in battle thing should be swapped out for something like losing your beard or ponytail à la Game of Thrones to symbolize your loss. It still casts dishonor but shows a people that have matured beyond "we're dying left and right because we refuse to admit defeat"
How did they get this technology? Nothing's been apparent about them being technologically savvy. You describe them as tribal, so it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It's fine for them to have, but how did they get it?
Mythical beasts are fine but given how much you talk about people hunting dragons I think the number of dragons (especially given they're using them in the war) should be dwindling. I also think that weaponizing them is awful and Amelia will continue to have a big problem if it doesn't change.
That's my piece.
|
|
